Friday January 16, 2009
Married woman falling in love with another man
Q: I am a 30-something married woman who has three children ages 3, 8 and 10. For the past two years, my husband and I have let our marriage slip away. We still live together, but we are more like roommates.
About six months ago, I met a man and I think I am falling in love with him. The problem is that he is happily married and does not want to leave his wife. When he is at work, we talk all the time. We have met outside work once. I can't stop thinking about him. Yes, I know this is wrong, but how can I get him out of my head when all I do is think about him 24/7? I would like to get my marriage back on track, but that's hard to do when I am thinking of someone else all the time.
Mia: Stop e-mailing and talking with him. Right now. Delete his phone number from your phone, his e-mail address from your account. Don't break two marriages up over a crush on a guy you don't truly know. I can tell you right now that the relationship won't have a happy ending. Start spending some quality time with your husband. Get a baby-sitter and go out for dinner alone. You just might remember why you fell in love.
Steve: You can get your marriage back on track by having a frank conversation with your husband about how you wound up as roommates instead of lovers. Tell him you want to rekindle the flame and share ideas about how to do it.
Q: I'm in a relationship that's been going off and on for almost two years. Now, the reason for the on-and-off part is because he's always cheating on me or having issues with himself. I always take him back, and he continues to do the same thing. While we were apart recently, I met a really nice guy but brushed him off because I was afraid I'd get hurt. Now I miss him and want to be with him, but I'm still in love with my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
Steve: Hmmm, let's see. Your current boyfriend is selfish, immature and disloyal. The other guy is a nice guy. And you don't know what to do? This tells me you have low self-esteem. Otherwise, you'd run to the nice guy and forget the loser boyfriend immediately. I suggest counselling to find out why you're being self-destructive. Once you get yourself straightened out, you'll be able to make the right decisions.
Mia: A lot of us want to think that, like Carrie Bradshaw, we can reform a player. But we can't. I don't care how many times you make excuses and take him back, the guy isn't going to change. Ever. So you should drop him. Take up with the nice guy if you want, or spend some time alone figuring out your priorities. But either way, dump the jerk.
* Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at
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