Ending it

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Why does one end a relationship? There are many reasons that bring about a demise of a relationship. Some of the common reasons are lack of commitment, compatibility, unresolved conflicts or rebound.

Most relationships now fizzle out due to a lack of commitment. One may feel the high when getting into a relationship but after a couple of months the magic dies and one feels it’s time to quit and move on to another relationship.

Prefer to be alone again?

We all desire to have a close partner. It’s impossible to be alone forever. Some may want the best of both worlds. Sometimes wanting to spend every moment with a partner and at times just wanting to be left alone.

Some wait on the sidelines to find the right one while some just get into a relationship and keep that partnership until the right one comes along.

Whatever your reason maybe of wanting to have a partner, make sure you are not the selfish kind who only looks towards your own needs.

Don’t be hasty in making serious commitments only to reconsider what you have said. Saying words like I love you, I want to marry you etc are serious commitments, so don’t say them unless you really mean it. What goes around comes around.

All things said, don’t be pressured into a relationship because others want you to or you feel obligated towards a person who is showing so much attention to you.

Likewise don’t hesitate to end a relationship because you fear your partner may get hurt. It’s better to hurt and end the relationship than to keep it dangling and hoping he or she will forget about it. It may work for some but for the majority, it does not. It only shows a lack of responsibility.

Just be absolutely sure the next time you decide to get into a serious relationship.

Conflicts in a Relationship

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I have never met a couple that can confidently say they have had no disagreements or arguments in their relationship. Even though there are exceptions,realistically since both men and women think differently, there are bound to be some minor or major differences in their opinions and way of thinking. When both plan to commit to a serious relationship, it is then when a lot of disagreements begin to happen.

I always wished for a relationship with less of the fighting and lot of loving. But some relationships will have more arguments and disagreements than others.

Relationship is more than just a great holiday together

Most would agree the ability to solve problems and issues is fundamental in building a strong relationship. I believe both couples need to learn more about the way the other thinks. Men and women think differently.

No relationship is perfect like I have mentioned before. A wise approach to being patient and taking the trouble to learn about the other will help build the relationship. There are a lot of self-help books out there such as “ Men are from Mars and Women from Venus” etc that one can find intriguing information about one another.

Some of the ingredients of a successful relationship are openness, trust, understanding needs and dislikes. One must understand that if you wish to enter into a relationship, it is no more just about you, what you want or like that matters. You have another person in your life now that you need to consider. If you cant, don’t expect any lesser from your partner.

Why Do Men seek out Women friends?

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Most men are comfortable with their buddy male friends due to common interests and a feeling of comfort. You can always see that when friends meet together, the women and men would separate and congregate among themselves to discuss common interests. Guys will on their common interest talk about games etc while women about clothing and shopping etc. But when do a guy or girl find it a special interest to seek a friend of the opposite sex, purely plutonic and thus developing a great friendship.

My friend Karen. Talented, pretty and intelligent.

Men will always have a difficulty in drawing the line between friendship and attraction. Women on the other hand are quite clear about relationships and will most of the time not cross the line.

I have such a great friend. She is smart, attractive, and we both share common grounds of interest. We always call each other or meet up to discuss about the problems we face in relationship. Sometimes just being a listening ear is good enough. My friend will always ask me how I am getting on etc. Its good to sometimes talk to the opposite sex because you will not know why your partner reacted in a particular way, was it justifiable etc until you hear it from a neutral party who is of the opposite sex. She on the other hand would also like to know why men react the way they do.

Karen and I have at times discussed why we did not consider each as partners. The answer is obvious; we are great friends and will remain that way forever.

The Next Step

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What do you do when you both have developed an interest for each other after several smses and calls? Well, Its time to meet again then. Lunch should be fine. Meeting over lunch is a lot safer for both parties as one can get a quick second evaluation and assess whether one should consider seeing the other again. Both may have a lot of questions for the other. Keep the conversation simple by trying to find common topics of interest to talk about. Don’t get into political or controversial subjects that can arouse strong emotional reactions. I remember on one occation on a second date out, my date actually asked me to tell me all about myself. Sounded more like an interview. Sometimes if the date isn’t working out as expected, a quick exit is quite possible if its just lunch. A second lunch date is not really necessary if both of you like each other. You could plan for dinner.

Choose a fairly decent restaurant, not necessarily at an expensive venue. Make sure you check out the venue beforehand. The service and food is of the uttermost importance. A woman associates good food with finesse.

candle light dinner is fine on your third date together

After that, a more romantic candle light dinner is quite fine if both of you have developed a keen interest for each other. 

Meeting For the First Time.

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How do you proceed on from the first time you meet a really interesting woman, whom you want to get to know better? After the initial encounter, your conversation may go really well and you end the conversation by exchanging numbers and planning to meet her again over a cup of coffee or probably lunch. A dinner may be a little premature at the moment. Lunch might be fine. Ideally calling her the next day or two would be perfect as you are still fresh in her mind. Sometimes most women get a little intimidated when you call them later after the first encounter.

looking forward to short messages?

Thank God for the advent of smses. The communication process is less intimidating for both parties and most women would respond comfortably to short messages. If they are still interested, the response time will get shorter and the reply messages longer. Soon you will find yourself planning for the first date. Sometimes after the first encounter some women may not respond to the smses , calls or sometimes after a few responses they will stop replying. What causes the demise of such feelings after the first encounter? Did the guy move too fast? What got her interested in him in the first place and what caused its demise? I wonder?

How Do Guys Really Know that this Girl is THE ONE?

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In about a couple of months down the road of a serious relationship most guys would admit they would have an idea if the girl they are dating is the person to settle down with. A couple of the main traits they look for after the initial meeting is the ability to resolve conflicts and if they really do enjoy each other’s company.

Turned out just right?

In the initial stages both parties will be at their best behavior but as familiarity breeds contempt, you will see ones true nature probably a few months or so down the road. Most women would admit that some men are quite capable of hiding ones true nature. Simple things will tell if he or she is the one for you. Do you love each other deeply enough to make certain sacrifices or are you the type who wants certain things only your way? There aren’t any perfect relationships or partners. One must see the positive side of what attracted them to their partner in the first place. If the negative overrides the positive, then it’s time to move on.

But it is easier said than done. When emotions are involved, it is always hard to let go even if you know the person is not the right one for you.

Whom do men prefer, beautiful women or intelligent women?

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Our biological make up is such, men desire certain things in woman that is different from what women look for in men. What women look for in a man is personality with traits such as confidence, intelligence, drive in life, etc. 

What do you prefer? Beauty or brains? Or both?

Women are not so brutal as men are when it comes to looks. Men on the other hand are first attracted by physical attributes before other traits such as intelligence, confidence etc. Looks alone are not the entire criteria men look for. It is probably the first attraction. The discrepancy lies in the part when women expect men to be attracted to them the same way a women is attracted to men. Opposites attract.

There has to be an explanation for this biological make up as to why we are all hard wired to think differently. The bottom line is, men must try to understand what women are attracted to and women on the other hand must try likewise (to understand what men are attracted to).

Letting it go

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What do you do when you have just broken up with your partner and before the wound can heal, you suddenly meet someone special? Do you take a break and mourn properly for the loss of your previous partner or put that behind and start a new life with your newfound love?

It is probably the most difficult question to answer.

So when are the two of you going to let each other go?

In most cases, it takes time to overcome a past relationship. In the development of the new relationship, how does the new partner handle the pain of his or her partner’s loss? Is it ok to occasionally talk to your new partner or mention about your ex especially when your new partner knows you still love your ex?

Would being honest to your ex about your current partner and  a temporary separation from your ex to overcome him or her until the wound is healed be ideal?

Pattie Boyd,ex wife of Beatles, George Harison who later married Eric Clapton and eventually separated from him too said, “ I haven’t even overcome George Harrison, now I will have to face the hurt of losing Eric too.”

Why risk losing your current relationship -  over the past  relationship which you know you can never have?

Space

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Most couples in the initial stages of their relationship tend to spend plenty of time together. This is good for a relationship in the initial stages.

But as time goes by and as the relationship grows, do couples still continue spending a lot of time together at the expense of their own free time and space? Is this healthy for the relationship?

Are you spending too much time together?

Where does one draw the line when it comes to personal time and space? Some may even go to the extent of making major sacrifices for the partner to spend most of their available time together. Is it really necessary in the development of a relationship?

Sometimes each prefer doing things on their own. Like having dinner alone, spending time with their friends, etc. How does one know how and when to respect the other’s time and space? When does one know how and when it is to strike the balance? When couples build walls in their relationship and keep others and their freedom of space outside, it will become more like a prison rather than a relationship.

I believe an open discussion about feelings with your partner regarding your personal time and space will put the relationship back in its right track.

Finding the Right Match

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You’ve all heard the stories, high school sweethearts who get married, best friends who fall in love, or the girl next door who turns out to be your soul mate. But the truth is, these lucky few belong to a minority. Most of us spend a large chunk of our lives looking for our perfect match, and the journey can often be riddled with frustration and disappointment. Whether you admit it to yourself or not, we each tend to set certain conditions and standards for our potential mate, thus setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration when these expectations are not met.

Do you enjoy doing things together?

 I’ll be honest, my expectation list was pretty long, and paramount was the fact that my partner shares my religious faith. As my years in the dating game went by, the list of expectations lessened, but the ultimate condition that she share my faith remained. I surprised myself by throwing my entire list of expectations away at one point, because I told myself that my most important condition was still being met, I only dated girls who shared my faith. So you can imagine my consternation when I met someone recently who rekindled my list by meeting almost all my expectations, but not sharing my faith.

What would you do if you were in my situation?